hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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