i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize