i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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