planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
