At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
