Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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