I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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