I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize