You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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