Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
