why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
