My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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