to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
