I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
