Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
