apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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