I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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