@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
