Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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