Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
