How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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