Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize