I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
