coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
