Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Boobs speak an international language.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
