So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
