I got chris browned last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize