I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
