So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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