Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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