A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
