Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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