I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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