Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
