so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
