He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
