Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize