so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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