i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
