Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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