i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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