I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
