i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
