Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
