i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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