U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize