I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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