Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
