Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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