I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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