btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
