I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
