You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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