OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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