Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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