My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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