You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
