It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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