so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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