I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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