no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
