I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
