No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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