Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
