I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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