Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
