i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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