Swine flu. Run for my life!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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