Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
