That's intense
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
