FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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