Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
